If chivalry is dead then a woman fired the shot that killed it.o Photo Credit to Rdot Smith Photography
Since I have been on my writing sabbatical, I took time to spend time with our son prior to the birth of our daughter just to bond with him and really let him know how much of an interest I take in his life. During this time, I was coerced into watching a series of his favorite TV shows one of which being Teen Titan’s Go. There was a particular episode that I somehow ended up watching approximately 5 times over the summer and the most recent time I viewed it, it spoke back to me. Three of the characters who are males, were wanting to engage in selfless acts of kindness toward the two female characters who were very reluctant to oblige or accept the favors.
When I viewed it the first time, the responses of the two female characters appeared to be accurate being that it is the 21st century and women are able to do things as independently as that of their male counterparts. However the final time I viewed this episode, I saw where feminism has crept its way into the lives of women as it relates to the gender roles that we wear in relationships. More often than not, you hear many women both married, single and divorce complain about how men don’t open the doors for them, or how they don’t pull out chairs for them or even go as far as to say to their friends “Girl it was cold in that restaurant and you know he didn’t even offer me his jacket?”. Now the question is if the anatomy of man has not changed from the 20th century to solicit these gestures, what in the 21st century has?
I’m glad you asked. It seems to me that what has changed is the way women respond to men as well as their selves. No I am not some southern bell who feels that all women should be bare foot and pregnant despite the irony in that is exactly what I am doing as we speak. I am however saying that many women have altered their perception on how they allow themselves to be treated by males based off of years of oppression from the “dominate” gender. In response to not being able to vote until 1920, Roe vs. Wade, and Equal Pay Compensation Discrimination, we have somehow fired a bullet among our personal and intimate relationships with our male counterparts that triggered the overuse of feminisms with our current or potential mate. In most ways, this has been very effective in the advancement of women gaining political power and liberties that have been denied for centuries. However, it has also impacted the relationship aspect of how women allow themselves to be treated in courtship and even in their marriage.
We advocate in our day to day lives so much for rights as it relates to politics, social and economic equalities to men, that when it’s time to wear the hat of “Woman” we have a difficult time adjusting and accepting the affection, love, kindness and attention of men that is given. We either miss it, we dismiss it or we just simply won’t accept it because we’re “too independent”. Please tell me you told my husband thank you after he just stood in the cold, pouring down rain and held the door open for you and your lady friends as I watched patiently from the inside of Macy’s? Well Mrs. now you’re just talking out the side of your neck! Oh am I or did I not just hear you say “I don’t need no man for nothing!” Lil Weebie told me I’m I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T!”. I honestly get the frustration that some men can have dealing with certain women at times if you only want him to be a man when it’s convenient for you. In the same breath, I’m petty enough to call you out on what the Bible says specifically pertaining to this.
-The First Aid Kit
Let’s start with “Formation” And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Genesis 2:22. This further lets me know that a woman was not independently formed but needed the rib of a man in order to have life. The Bible also later goes on to say Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman. 1 Corinthians 11:11.
Rewind four verses prior and it says “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Genesis 2:18. Permission to be honest? A lot of women have a problem right here and struggle because they don’t have the desire to help anyone but themselves. It’s not all about you. Your life is not intended for just you but for those around you specifically your current or future helpmate. To take this one a tad bit further, the reason why some women struggle in the helping area may be because they don’t like the thought of “submitting” their services to that of their male counterpart, but we gone get into that later on after I sip this tea. In the meantime know that there is true strength in submission.
So what affect do you think this would have on men after a while of dealing with this as it relates to having a chivalrous relationship with you? It is highly likely they’d either continue on as they were raised to do with displaying respectable behavior towards women, they fall off because it is no longer required of them to be chivalrous or it is disappears as if it never happened. Think of it like this. Cars were once made to play 8-Tracks, then Cassette Tapes, CD’s, Aux cords and now some only allow for Bluetooth. Once the 8-Track was no longer needed, the car never looked back on that way of making music again but evolved to play music on the source of what was predominately accepted. Sure you have classic cars out there that still use the classic form of technology, however men have resolved to get the “newer model” because she’s “faster” (I’m giving so much side eye right now) and not appreciate the beauty, durability and drive that the older model cars have.
With that being said, sometimes it’s okay to accept those classical times in your life and break away from the fear of falling into gender roles which society has deemed as destructive to womanhood. You do realize that society changes its viewpoints more than people change underwear. What does not change is the word of God. Allow yourself the opportunity to be cared for, wowed and whisked away by the one who God has placed in your life to do so. Just as it is our right to vote, be paid equally and receive an education in this country, it is also our spiritual right and privilege that Husbands are to, love their wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Ephesians 5:25. So if you’re currently in a relationship now and are uncertain if you’re receiving the chivalrous “Christ loved the church kind of love” ask yourself is it that he’s not aware of how to display this type of love or is it that I don’t understand how to receive this love based off of a societal perception? A man will only do what you allow him to do in a relationship so please…….put the gun down.
That is all,
Like, share and comment.