Remember last month when I told you in Its not how but why “Everyone can’t have greatness if they are not willing to make the changes in their lives to get there.”? So let’s go further with that, shall we? Along the journey to meeting that special and hopefully last someone, you may find that things are not what they initially appeared to be in other relationships you’ve established. As times change, so do people. Growing up most of you thought writing a current event reports in school was a nuisance and normally procrastinated completing them. Now, no one can beat you to newspaper stands or social media sites to get your daily dose of world topics and news you can use. Allow me to bring it home for you. You once dated the jock in school but now prefer to see yourself with the most endowed science savvy and technological man you can find due to his “status” and ability to appreciate you more than Pretty Ricky did in school. Seeing how your taste in the opposite sex has evolved, your spiritual life has been established and hopefully your career is moving in the direction of your favor, shouldn’t your crew make advances too?
-What about your friends?
Most of us hate to admit it but our friends play a significant role in the decisions we make and what we accept in our personal lives. They either motivate us to strive for the next level or keep us from going forward with life changing risks that could make or break our entire livelihood. They either add to your life, float because they are disloyal or become leeches. A few questions to ask yourself in regards to your friendships include the following:
- What does she add to my life?
- Where does her loyalty stand as it relates to our friendship?
- What do I contribute to her life and if I do contribute how much?
If your answers are Nothing, I don’t know and A lot, let this be the beginning of the end of that relationship.
The Stagnant Friend
Some of us have friends that are going nowhere fast and are accepting company along the race. Don’t act like you don’t know the one’s that I’m referring to either. If you have ever had a friend or maybe even a relative that often tells you “I don’t know why you’re still with him. All men will cheat on you eventually” or “Why would you want to go and do something like that? Girl you better sit down somewhere” Okay last one… “I could have gone to/out/with ________but I didn’t because no one has time for that.” As if they already occupied their time doing XYZ. If you are this person or friend, its’ okay just make the adjustments not to be. If you have this friend, refer to the last sentence in the paragraph above. Don’t get me wrong, if the stagnant friend has something to say based on experience, then by all means take it into consideration what they are saying. However, understand that the stagnant friend will also say everything verbally possible to keep you from attaining your ideal relationship because they are too lazy to take responsibility in building their own. (Ouch. That was good). In fact, they are so filled with lackadaisicalness to the point that all they can and will do is tell you what you should and should not do based on no experiences of their own. So in my book, talk is economical and the only thing that should be free is water and salvation. If the friendship you have with this person has not matured passed “This is the way we’ve/she’s always been.”, then pray for them and be on your way quickly before they take up any more of your time. Although you may tell yourself, this person has other qualities that may be meaningful. Ask yourself, are their qualities worth having as a limitation in your monogamous relationship? Think of the last time you saw a body of stagnant water. It was gross. It smelled and that’s right you guessed it. It did not move. If you often find yourself to be the big fish in an uncomfortable stagnant pond, then move to the ocean. Stagnant water can be infectious.
The leech simply put is the user or the “It’s all about ME?” friend. This person calls you only to discuss their personal life, issues and successes because they really don’t care that much about…….you. This person manages to take every phone call you’ve ever made to them and flip it into a full discussion about themselves. This narcissistic person will take your energy, your efforts, your credit, your time and maybe even your man if you’re not careful. The leech seeks to devour things that we don’t realize are that important to us until we run out of what they were looking for. Usually, that one thing is time. Don’t believe! Get a friend that continuously has man problems. She’ll always call on you until she’s in a relationship. Then, all the calls and coffee stop. The moment you need a ride to the airport, she will avoid your calls, texts, emails and smoke signals at all cost. It becomes even worse when you’ve been gifted with a talent in artistry. Ask a beautician or a make-up artist. They’ll tell you how many “friends” they make when someone wants their hair slayed to the heavens or face beat. The leech will grab a whole of you and suck you dry of every awakening cell in your body unless you make that slimy creature get off. News flash! You are not Bill Withers and it does not feel good to be used up . Continuing to allow this to happen will minimize what you have to offer of yourself to your current love interest and/or future Boaz.
If you’re fortunate enough to get friends that are not only willing to accept your evolution, but to evolve in their personal lives as well, you’ve found a great bunch. If your friends do not challenge your bad decisions or they encourage you to make bad choices, you need to reconsider your friendships. Likeminded people generally attract one another because they know there’s potential in potential. As iron sharpens iron, people need people to become better. Having friends who constantly say that you’ve changed and they have been the same person since the ‘99 and the 2000 cannot be of service to you. Yes, I said service. If your friend’s cannot do you the service of motivating you to be better, then they are equivalent to a faux mink coat. They are nice to look at and maybe even feel good, but they are highly ineffective for the coldest winters and are of little to no value in comparison to a true mink. If you cannot be of service to them, then guess who you are? This may seem really harsh but it’s that serious when your “Being about your Father’s business Luke 2:49”. When walking in the will of God, you have no time for stagnation, leeches or people that will try to hold you back from fulling your purpose.
-So now what you do?
Now when you finish reading this, don’t go out and delete every single friend you have ever made unless all your friends are the negative characters displayed in this post. I am not saying all of this so that you’ll be standing in your bridal photos with a bunch of rental friends next to you. I am however saying “So what if you lose a faux-friend!” You’re in preparation for your Boaz and that’s worth more than any faux friendship in God’s eyes. If they are not making you better, they are making you worse by not becoming better. A well rounded group of friends in particular will help you in developing character traits that you never knew existed inside, but we’ll tackle that next time. So before you allow your “friend” to shade yet another choice in caliber of gentlemen you’re dating or discourage you from taking chances in life that you’ve prayed for, take some time to think about the person from which the opinion might have come.
That is all.
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