bridal photo

The Mrs.

It’s not how but why….

A lot of you 20 to 40 something year old, independent, highly educated, hardworking, sexy looking ladies often ask how is it that he (whoever he is) doesn’t want all this. How could he be so dumb and naïve to past up a woman as great and perfect as me? Shoot, I’m the center of universe! Men would kill to lay at my feet!!! (Because that’s how we think right) Well my darling it’s not necessarily how because that’s the easy question to answer. He did it by turning you down in text, swiping left, an email or in a debate that didn’t go in your favor.

The real question to ask yourself is WHY?

In your mind, you did everything right. You’ve read all the how to catch a man books, magazines and blogs (not including this one) but for whatever reason he still passes on you and likely at a time when you felt you needed to be with someone the most. I love (and yes I said love) to be the one to tell you, there’s no one answer. It’s not that there are several things wrong with you, just with your situation. Now I’m NOT saying that this is the holy grail of how to meet and keep your Boaz. I’m simply hoping that this may provide a little insight on how to avoid finding yourself in an unorthodox arrangement you didn’t sign up for. In following ToMissFromMrs, my prayer is that you are lead to your God ordained relationship. In the meantime, let To: Miss. From: Mrs. be used as a gift from me to you to help your along your way.

Location, Location, Location!

There are plenty of qualified men ready willing and available to wife you up. The truth of the matter is, you highly likely won’t find him at “The turn up”. You may be at the club looking for a husband, but most men are not at the club looking for a wife. Or maybe you fantasize about being thrown on top of a boardroom desk by Idris Elba or Fitzgerald Grant and then wonder why you can’t find him? It’s because he is located nowhere near hood or hog night festivities. One must strategically place themselves in the surroundings of those that they are trying to attract.

Ever heard the term you lay down with dogs you get up with flees? The same goes for where you tread. If you’re willing to sell yourself for cheap by hanging at the local trap, you will surely attract Pookey the Pirate who just served a 7 year piracy sentence. Chances are if you’re reading this you have at least an ounce of sense and a desire to know and be better.

Okay so you don’t go out clubbing. You like to think of yourself as a sassy, wholesome, intelligent business professional that is able to hold her own and practices spirituality on a consistent basis. Well the same rule applies for you too. Changing your surroundings will be essential in the placement process of where you allow your future beau to meet you. Are you a homebody? Do you only go from work, to the grocery store, maybe to church and then home? WELL STOP IT! If you plan on intercepting Mr. Right, the only options you have now are the maintenance man, the delivery guy, and maybe Larry the cable guy and we all know they’re never really as fine as the romance novels say they are.

Let’s start by changing your surroundings. If you haven’t met him where you are, it’s a strong probability that he is not there or at least not yet depending on the setting. Don’t get upset about it! Simply thank God that He loves you enough to bring you to greater. In doing so, don’t let your friends who have settled for meager pickings discouraged you on your journey. Everyone can’t have greatness if they won’t make the efforts for it but that’s a post for a later day so stay tuned.

Why do you think companies have commercials? Obviously they want you to purchase their product and know that it is highly likely you won’t think twice about it if they themselves didn’t present and stand by what they are advertising.  To go a little further, think about product placement of and item. Product placement is a practice in which manufacturers of goods or providers of a service gain exposure for their products.  The same goes for dating. You must make yourself available to be found which simply means being in position to receive what you’ve prayed and asked for. Don’t through a rock and hide from your prayer. Get up, get out and get it! I can assure you, no man in his right mind is looking for bottom shelf products so be willing to sit pretty in all your radiance on the top shelf where he can see you.

You’ve asked for a man that’s athletic…….well go to the gym or hit the track. You want a man after God’s heart then go to church more than just on Christmas, Mother’s Day and Easter. Or if you want one that’s educated or a leader, then you need to find yourself registering for class or a leadership conference. These are just a few examples of how to begin positioning and preparing yourself for what’s to come. I’m not saying take up a new trade in being a man stalker (No cause that’s just plan crazy and you need to get that checked). Nor am I saying stage your date with destiny so please don’t just go to the track and stretch (Actually workout while you’re there). What I am saying however if he’s any man worth being in a relationship with, the same characteristic he possesses, he will want or demand in return.  Wouldn’t you?

That is all…..



The Mrs.


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bridal photo

The Mrs. Photo by Rdot Smith

2 thoughts on “IT’S NOT HOW BUT WHY?

  1. Ladies, I would like to leave you with Proverbs 18:22 NKJV
    He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.
    The Keywords in this scripture is “HE WHO” Your future husband will find you. Don’t chase after men. God has a mate for each and every women who desires to be married. Seek the kingdom first, prepare yourself to be a wife, and pray for God to send your husband, wait, be still. When you are in alignment with God’s will, he will strategically put you in the right place at the right time to allow your future husband to FIND YOU!! Let God send you your KING, don’t look, just seek GOD, Prepare, and Pray. God bless you sisters.


    • Thanks for reading as well as sharing your thoughts on this post. Although I am an avid believer in Proverbs 18:22, I also believe what the Bible teaches about James 2:17 Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. It’s Not How but Why does not negate the fact that you should wait on God to send you husband. It does however express things that you could and should be doing while you wait along with the reason’s God may see fit to keep you where he may have you at this appointed time. A woman can change the timing that a man finds her by not being spiritually aligned with where God wants her to be. So given this possibility, she must expeditiously change her position or do the work that needs to be done in her life in order to be found.

      That is all….


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